“My husband is lying to me”, my friend Joyce blurted out to me the other day while we were out walking. And in a broken voice, Joyce said, “I have my suspicions but I can’t prove it yet that my husband is having an affair”.
Wow, I couldn’t give her an immediate response as my mind started racing to my own marriage problems from the past.
So, of course, she just started spilling the beans on everything that she suspected of her husband and then she said that she needed to find out the truth.
I have to admit, I think she confided in me because she knew I was dealing with the same issue about a year ago. Obviously, her head was spinning and upset wasn’t the word for the anger I could see in her face and the tone of her voice.
Joyce told me that right now it was good suspicions, yet she didn’t have any hard facts to back things up.
What it came down to was she had to confide in someone and she had to figure out what her next steps were going to be with handling a spouse that is lying.
My Husband Is Lying To Me….
1. A big sign is when talking to your spouse/partner about your suspicions of cheating, having an affair, or lying, see if they turn away from you. If they glance down or away when talking with you, there most certainly is something going on.
Of course, my husband was so good at lying he would look me straight in the eyes, a foot away from me, and lie right to my face, no problem. (I know because I had hard proof of what he said and where he was).
When I asked him questions pertaining to talking with another woman or being with another woman he completely lied to my face. So I knew I had to catch him in the act!
2. If your spouse/partner changes his story and gives you a variety of answers this could be another big sign. What you do is ask the same question over a few days or week, but rephrase the question. Make sure you keep notes.
My Husband Is A Narcissist
3. Be aware of what is going on, what is being said, or not being said. When asking a question, make sure you listen, pay attention. For example, your spouse does not respond to it at all or acts like he didn’t hear you. (mine did this all the time, he would just walk out of the room and walk away from me !)
4. They twist the question you ask and ask you the same question and then they demand an answer from you. (My husband was good at twisting words back on me, but I caught on fast as to what he was doing).
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5. Be aware of his mood swings and how he reacts to things. If you approach him with questions about him cheating he might get angry, defensive, or shut down completely. (That is what my husband did, and he just acted like nothing ever happened).
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1. Get hard facts to support your suspicions (because yes he will deny everything, that is why he continues to lie)
2. Pay attention to what he says, what he does, who he talks to, how he treats you. Do you notice a difference in frustration, anger, times of being absent minded or deep in thought, times of avoiding you?
3. Don’t rely on anyone else to catch him. You will want to confide in someone, but make sure that person is trustworthy. Telling too many people before you know the facts will just turn everything into gossip. And it will make your husband hide more, and lie more.
4. Know the answer before you ask the question. Someone told me this when I first found out that my husband was cheating on me. My husband always had an out when I asked him a question, so yes I found out things on my own and I knew what the answer should be instead of him feeding me a bunch of lies.
5. Go to marriage counseling, (if you can get your spouse to go with you) or find a way to save your marriage. Counseling might work for your marriage, but statistics have shown that only 20% of marriage counseling is successful. My husband told so many lies during our counseling, that even the counselor didn’t believe him. Which basically lead to seven months of money spent on chit chat and lies.
The only good thing from my marriage counseling is that I did discover things about myself as well as my husband and how to handle things differently.
6. Work on saving your marriage. Thousands of couples are finding “Save The Marriage” program highly successful in resolving their marriage issues and especially making their marriage stronger, happier and more exciting.
Save Your Marriage
If you are in a situation with your marriage or relationship where there is infidelity, cheating, lying, let me tell you, my friend, you are not alone. Did you know that divorce is a multi-million dollar a year industry?
Marriage is also a multi-million dollar industry. Marriage is a positive lifestyle compared to the negativity and home wrecking that is involved with divorce.
Author, Lee Baucom, Ph.D. is a 22 year veteran of marriage therapy. and in his program offers a variety of options that is best for your situation. Best of luck on making your marriage stronger, happier and long-lasting. Read the free report on “Save The Marriage” right now.
Always preparing for a better tomorrow,